The Daily Juggle

The Unimaginable

mamachronicles — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:21:19 +0000

I feel paralyzed. Instead of prepping for my meeting shortly, I’m blogging because I don’t know any other way to get rid of this feeling. Sadness. Dread. Grief. I’m choking back tears as I type. None of my “real world” friends knew Maddie. Heck, I didn’t know Maddie until I heard through the Silicon Valley Moms grapevine that she had passed away. Maddie was the daughter of a fellow mom blogger over at LA Moms Blog. One look at the piercing blue eyes and two-tooth smile is enough to melt your heart. My own 11-month old has that same sparkle in her eyes and glimmer of teeth.

VRP is different, though. She was born on time and healthy. Maddie was born premature and spent 68 days in the hospital before going home. Her parents, Heather and Mike Spohr, have been in and out of the hospital since then. That is until last night when Maddie lost her fight.

There has been an outpouring of cyber support for Maddie’s parents. I’d link to Heather’s blog but it’s down, likely due to the flood of people trying to let her know she’s got a friend. So, while those moms on Oprah are busy complaining, I’m going to take a moment today to really appreciate my kids and hope my worst fears never, ever materialize. Yes, motherhood is tough. Yes, you lose a part of yourself the moment you have children. But, you also gain so much and once it’s gone I imagine it leaves a permanent hole in your heart.

Heather was supposed to participate in the March of Dimes walk later this month. I hope my donation might help another mom from ever having to deal with this terrible pain. Here’s a link to Heather’s walk page if you’d like to help too.

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Opting Out of Motherhood

mamachronicles — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:45:45 +0000

No, I am not packing my bags and calling it quits as the title suggests. I did want to deposit my two cents, though, about Cythnia McFadden’s interview with Rachael Ray on ABC news last night.I applaud her for standing her ground and not feeling pushed into motherhood because it’s what people expect the next step should be. I really resented McFadden asking her if she feels something’s missing from her childless life. Just because women can give birth doesn’t mean it’s the only thing that provides a level of love, comfort and measure of success —remember this is coming from a mother of two.

So what happened during the rest of the interview, you’re wondering? I remember when I first saw Ray shilling for Dunkin Donuts a few years back, and thought “like she needs the money”. McFadden referenced an Anthony Bourdain MSNBC interview. His words: “She’s hugely influential, particularly with children. And she’s endorsing Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s like endorsing crack for kids.”

The surprising thing? Ray admitted she’d agree with him too without knowing the back story. It turns out D&D is a huge supporter of her charitable organization Yum-O! As a mom, I totally get it—even if it’s a mixed message. Yum-O! is Ray’s way of giving back. Her non-profit is devoted to teaching kids and their families how to have a healthy relationship with food. Yum-O! has scholarship partnerships with the National Restaurant Association Educational Foundation and the Alliance for a Healthier Generation. This is her baby and she decided to do what was in its best interest. As for Bourdain’s comment, it’s up to us parents to filter the messages and teach our kids how to make the right choices.

Whether you love her or hate her, you have to be proud of how Ray held her own in that interview. We all have dreams. Her’s started in an upstate supermarket and turned into a multi-million dollar empire. She admits she’s not a chef, and that her voice is annoying, and so on and so on. Just watch the interview and you’ll see a strong woman, thankful and grateful for the success she worked hard to gain. My girls have permission to use call her a role model (but no, they still can’t have donuts before dinner).

This was an original post to NYC Moms Blog. When Jennifer Perillo isn’t dodging the Dunkin Donuts at the corner of her daughter’s elementary school, she testing recipes for her blogs In Jennies Kitchen and The Mama Chronicles.

Overworked and Underpaid

mamachronicles — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:50:04 +0000

As mothers we know our own value, even when we doubt ourselves. We’re the most underpaid part of today’s workforce. The end of our workday often blurs into the beginning of the next, and yes, it is work raising children —no matter how fulfilling or wonderful the rewards may be.

Lately, I’ve been feeling bitter about not being able to focus my energies 100% on my professional ventures. Just last week I found myself yelling at the Mr. “you will never know the juggle I live”. Many days I feel pissed off that he gets to go to work while I take care of his kids, do his laundry and cook his dinner. I’ve thought about getting a full-time job as an escape but that wouldn’t make it any easier. I’d still have to deal with all those other duties.

By now, I know there’s always something deeper at the root of every feeling. The seed burning inside me is an age-old question “Why are mothers so undervalued?”. In public, we’re applauded, but behind closed doors, legislation works against us. The new changes that took effect on January 16th to the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) are case in point. The FMLA was filled with false promises from its inception in 1993. It didn’t guarantee paid leave for maternity or to care for a sick child and it still doesn’t. Now it goes even further to hold women back by giving employers the right to conduct “fitness-for-duty” evaluations to determine if people who use FMLA are able to perform their old jobs. It also allows bosses to use FMLA time used when considering employees’ eligibility for bonuses.

Four days after these changes were implemented a new day dawned at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Yesterday’s New York Times Style section featured an article about the new First Family’s concerns and focus on raising their young children. Our new President seems to understand the importance of being involved as a parent. So much so, that he’s living in the White House with his mother-in-law so there can be a family member there when he and the First Lady are tending to their public duties. Mr. President we are not all that lucky. Please let your commitment to your own family create change all mothers can believe in.

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P.S. I Love You

mamachronicles — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 17:03:19 +0000

Picture A few years back my husband changed the bedroom doorknob to one with a lock. We were determined to preserve something from our life BC: before child. Until recently, it seemed more a symbolic gesture, akin to collecting dust like the elliptical fitness trainer – another under utilized piece of equipment in our bedroom. Truth is our libidos are usually two ships passing in the night. I’m a morning person when it comes to everything. I’m convinced I run on solar energy. It might also have something to do with juggling working from home, dealing with three meals a day for four people, laundry and all the other chores that come with motherhood. And, I know it’s not just me. It’s the same chatter I hear among my mommy friends. We’ve all become either so consumed or so fatigued by motherhood, that we often find no time left for the men who started the journey with us.

Stephanie Coontz summed it up best in a recent New York Times’ Op-Ed piece. Marital relationships are suffering from parents investing too much time in their children and not enough in their bond with each other. Coontz sites a study from 1997 in which moms were spending six hours more a week with their kids than in 1981. Surely that number has risen in the last decade but the piles of laundry, playdates and dinner dishes haven’t decreased. Since we haven’t surpassed a 24-hour day, that means more hours with kids equals less time for each other. I sometimes wonder if living in a big urban center like New York City adds to the “noise”. Cramped quarters are one issue. When the baby is napping, it means her sister can’t play in their shared room, so me or the Mr. take her out while the other babysits. We also pay a hefty price to live here. Tack on $15 an hour for babysitting and a night out often seems financially out of reach.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so back to the bedroom door lock. Me and the Mr. want more than to just grow old together. We want our love to grow too. We’ve both realized it’s the quality the not quantity of time we spend together. Even if it means letting our five-year-old watch Noggin while the baby naps so mommy and daddy can have their own playdate.

This was an original post to NYC Moms Blog. Jennifer Perillo is the food editor at Working Mother magazine. Read more musings on parenting, marriage and feeding the family at her other blogs The Daily Juggle and The Mama Chronicles.

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It’s called karma Mr. Parnell

mamachronicles — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:00:08 +0000

As if the peanut butter crisis couldn’t get worse, a second Peanut Corporation of America plant has been closed, this one by the Texas Department of State Health Services. CNN reports inspectors found dead rodents, rodent feces and bird feathers on-site. Yesterday, I blogged over at NYC Moms Blog about the owner of PCA giving the okay to ship product he knew was tainted – to avoid any damage to the bottom line. How’s that working out for you now Stewart Parnell? More than 1,800 products have been recalled and that numbers sure to rise with this latest plant closing.

Last week, I saved a clipping from Time magazine about two men found guilty in China’s tainted milk scandal. Their punishment for such crimes against humanity? The death sentence (The Huffington Post had a good piece on the story too). Is that too extreme? You tell me. Is a life lost worth less when it’s at the hand of a corporate big-wig?

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A Tale of Two Mothers

mamachronicles — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:08:19 +0000

Lately you can’t turn the channel or scan a newspaper without mention of Nadya Suleman, the now infamous octuplet mom. This past Sunday’s New York Times style section featured an article about the backlash of raising large families. The issue most talked about in my mom circle is not the quantity of children, but rather the quality of their mother. This is a woman whose own mother has admitted she has emotional issues that compelled her to give birth to 14 children —all through IVF. Unlike the women who struggle to conceive at all or the others who amazingly care for more than the national average of 2.1 children, Suleman is sort of a Frankenmom.

On the eve of her NBC appearance, there were calls for boycotts of the station, advertisers, etc. It didn’t work. She’s getting her 15-plus minutes of fame. My advice is let’s turn our attention to another mom who is doing something positive with the unique ability we have as women. If you haven’t seen the video making the rounds on You Tube of Salma Hayek, here’s a link. I couldn’t watch it without stifling a lump in my throat. I’m a nursing mama. Every time I look down at my nine-month old, suckling my breast, I can’t help but feel grateful for the nutritious gift that will allow her to grow into a strong, beautiful girl. Hayek has been know for her charity work, but letting a hungry baby latch on for a healthy meal in a country where breastfeeding past the first few months is frowned upon takes “giving of oneself” to new heights.

Thank you Salma for showing the world we can use our bodies for good instead of evil.

This was an original post to NYC Moms Blog. In between nursing her nine-month old, and writing about motherhood at this blog, Perillo is in the kitchen testing recipes for her other blog, The Mama Chronicles. As food editor of Working Mother magazine, she also knows a thing or two about feeding the whole family.

Hysteria on Wysteria

mamachronicles — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 11:13:43 +0000

I’ve been up since 3:13am this morning. It started with a rustling from a deep slumber to feed the baby. She was a breeze and hardly a bother—ate and went back to sleep. Anxiety was the cause of my restlessness.

Like many of us, this economy feels like an anchor around my neck. I’m determined to not let it get the best of me, but I finally have to admit I’m worried. I keep telling myself it will pass but every place you turn, it hits you over the head.

Case in point: I snuck out of bed and figured a little DVR would soothe my mind and beckon me back to bed. The show du jour was Desperate Housewives — harmless fun, right? WRONG. Within minutes I had Lynette’s financial burdens on my shoulders too.

Then Susan couldn’t afford to send MJ to private school and feared his education would suffer in increasing class sizes due to budget cuts. Come on people. Give me a break. A break from reality. That’s why I tune into television. If I want to think about those issues, I just have to open my eyes to another day in my Brooklyn home. I go to Wisteria Lane to get away from the hysteria of regular life.

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If only I did my job this badly…

mamachronicles — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:51:21 +0000

The Washington Post just reported a " target="_blank">second Peanut Corporation of America plant has been closed due to salmonella contamination. Really people, if I did my job this bad, the kids would be calling someone else mommy. The Mr. always says direction is taken from the top down. Is it too much a leap to say the previous administration is responsible for this lack of corporate responsibility —from the bank bust to putting the health of our children at risk?

Stay up to date and make sure what’s in your pantry is safe to eat. Here’s a link to my post from The Mama Chronicles last week with info from the CDC.

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Shelter from the Storm

mamachronicles — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:37:48 +0000

I’ve been thinking about Carolyn Pravda’s recent post on NYC Moms Blog, The Economy& The Mass Exodus. I grew up in the same Brooklyn neighborhood where she lives. It also happens to be the place I’ve chosen to stay and raise my own children. While the streets look the same, the old-world Italian families have been supplanted with younger families coming as far as France to fill the brownstones and converted factories.

The walk three blocks to school elicits nods and smiles from neighbors regardless of whether you know each other. My network of friends is living proof that Hillary was right and it does take a village. I’ve developed strong ties to a core group of women and we often help with drop off, pick up and everything in between. Sure a big house and backyard would be nice but what about the relationships that have taken root here? I can plant tomatoes anywhere but there isn’t a just add water kit for the friends I’ve made along the way.

The economy will go up and down and housing prices will rise and fall but these women are my constants. I can weather any storm with them by my side. They are what make life in Brooklyn feel like living in Smalltown, USA.

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And Baby Makes …14.

mamachronicles — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 02:09:00 +0000

Most days I stare at my two precious daughters and wonder if I’ll have the energy to get through another day. Imagine what goes through your mind when 14 are cramped in that birds eye view.

I wasn’t at all surprised when my husband announced the birth of eight babies to a woman who already had six at home. In our reality-tv age, I shrugged it off as someone looking for media attention with a passing comment of “guess who’s going to support those kids”. Now that the truth is creeping out, I’m downright pissed off at the situation.

Unless Nadya Suleman gets the $2 million she’s seeking for an interview, it will certainly be we the taxpayers bearing the financial burden. The Mr. and I talk frequently about wanting a third child but always end the conversation with “if we win the lottery one day”. I imagine raising a family in Los Angeles is parallel in costs to New York City.

As if the story needed anymore layers of ridiculousness, Suleman wants to become a television childcare expert. Dr. Rob’s comment on Jessica Gottlieb’s blog says it best: “having a bunch of babies doesn’t qualify someone as an “expert” at raising children any more than getting shot makes you an expert on guns”.

Making the story even more twisted is that one of Suleman’s other children is autistic. What kind of care and attention will that child get from dear old mom? If New Jersey state officials can remove children from parental custody for suspicions around naming their children after Hitler, then surely California has cause to investigate the care Nadya Suleman is providing these children.

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The Daily Juggle

The Unimaginable

Twitter Updates

Opting Out of Motherhood

Overworked and Underpaid

Twitter Updates

P.S. I Love You

Twitter Updates

It’s called karma Mr. Parnell

Twitter Updates

A Tale of Two Mothers

Hysteria on Wysteria

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If only I did my job this badly…

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Shelter from the Storm

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And Baby Makes …14.

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